So as a preface, if anyone reads this, I don't mind what you think of what I have to say. Of course I appreciate supportive comments but mainly this is a place so I can let things go and not be so poisonous in my own relationship.
My boyfriend is anorexic. He has had 'anorexic' behaviour since before I started dating him (2 years ago) and it use to get worse and then less important. Probably about 3 years. Over the last year or so however it has gotten worse to the point where he admits it is anorexic behaviour rather than just 'strange eating' or something to that effect. Although I was 'suspicious' of his behaviour I discovered the extent of it by stumbling over his online blog. It shook me up. I'm sure I'll end up writing about that discovering another time, suffice to say I really didn't realise the extent of it and how much it was affecting him. Confronting him about it was terribley difficult, although since then we (I feel, and hope its true) talk a lot more about it.
I of course want him to recover. I want a healthy boyfriend. When I had first read this blog entry I wrote in my journal "I don't want to have to fight his ED for his attention and affection". Its still true. But leaving isn't really an option. I love him, and I love the person he is when we can get beyond his ED.
Earlier this year he went to see a counsellor which was 'helpful'. He even went to a doctor (which is a huge deal for him). The doctor did blood tests etc etc, all of which said he wasn't dramatically unhealthy (his numbers were at the 'low end' of the spectrum). Which was a double edge sword - I'm glad he was 'healthy', but in some ways I wanted shocking numbers that would show what he's doing to himself. He doesn't see the counsellor anymore. He was told they couldn't do anything more with him until he wanted to recover.
I have this debate in my head about 'healthy'. The numbers-based definition of EDs frustrates the hell out of me. If someone's head is telling them to eat less, if they feel they have eaten too much when their calorie intake is still below the recommended daily intake... then there is something intrinsically 'unhealthy' going on in their head.
Talking at Something Fishy is helpful. Having contact with other people who's loved ones are suffering is amazing. The strength of belief in their loved ones, their hope, their optimism (and when you are short of it, other people always beleive in it for you), is wonderful.
Well this might do as a first post, now I've ranted away into cyberspace.
4 comments:
May, I am honoured and privileged that you have found some succour in the Annie's Rexia blog.
And I see, too, that you have a journey. So you are supporting your boyfriend. I applaud you immensely. It must be so bloody tough - I don't know what it is like to support an ED, obviously. I do know what it is like to support depression and self-harm, though, and I guess the frustration and sometime feelings of futility may creep in.
Good for you, lass. You'll get through it - and your boyfriend has been so very brave to face the medics. Send him my plaudits, too.
Bless the pair of you. We can all get there in the end you know - and not necessarily in a wooden box...
xxx
A brave start May, well done you for making this effort.
We have linked to you from Annie's Rexia.
I am hopefully going to put a post up today about communication and such, but to reiterate, you will find it helpful to discover what lies at the root of the ED. It won;t necessarily make things easier, but it will help to understand.
Either way, I hope you find this blog helps. I know it help me to read of others' experiences.
annie - thanks for the comment! it is tough, but, and I'm sure you've had Ian say it to you too, its worth it if you love the person... and I do... so although I get amazingly frustrated at times and fleetingly think of just going to stay at a friend's for a few nights, I don't, I stay and fight it.
Ian (or Charles, or whoever you may be Mr Parsnip!) - thank you for linking me. I don't know if I am anywhere near as coherent as you and your lovely wife, but I appreciate the good wishes and support.
writing is cathartic.
lets think of positives and not consider wooden boxes.
xox
This is a brilliant idea, and if you've read Annie's blog, you know I am in full support of this. The blogging world is full of good, compassionate, and even learned people, so this sort of cyber group therapy is so very beneficial.
Just in case, though, I'd obtain comment moderation. Just to be on the safe side, so you get to choose what comments stay and which ones don't. Just a good way to protect your feelings. There are a lot of good people out here. but there are a lot of not so good ones too. Beware the trolls. Best of luck to you. This is a brilliant start you've made.
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